Thankfulness

Even though I have been married to my guy since Halloween, I have avoided getting my last name changed to his. My dad recently joked changing my name will "make it that much more complicated when the divorce comes through."

No, we're not getting a divorce, but I wasn't even that thrilled on getting married. I was pretty happy with the living in sin arrangement, because it meant that I could still leave if my guy failed to kick his addictions. There have been times when he refused to kick any addiction, because he felt like I was trying to make him more like me. Usually, he would say these things when he was already quite drunk, and wouldn't remember it in the morning.

But, after plenty of brow-beating, he talked me into getting a quickie wedding at the courthouse, with my daughter and my parents as witnessess to the event. In the few wedding pictures that exist of that morning, I look pretty damn depressed. Apparently, it was pretty obvious to everyone except my guy, because my parents kept asking me if I was feeling okay. I didn't have a full on crying session until a few days later.

Now, of course, I've gotten used to the idea of being married to this man. I'm pretty much stuck with him. If I didn't feel like he needed me (or someone like me) so much, I probably would have left by now. But, he has kept himself just clean enough for me to stay, thinking that he'll eventually get it all straight.

In any case, I have resisted the whole name change thing, until yesterday. I have gotten a part-time gig through my aunt, who instructed me to get my name changed before going  on the payroll. 

Before going to the local Social Security office to make the change, I stopped at the post office to get our mail from the box there. While we do have a mailbox at our house, I do still have a box at the post office, from when my daughter and I were technically homeless.

In the parking lot at the Social Security office, I made a quick perusal of the mail we had received. I found among the bills a Christmas card. It was addressed to me by my maiden name (with my first name misspelled), and addressed simply with the main road here and town.

I opened it to find two twenty dollar bills and a ten, with the message "Hope that you can Rejoice in the birth of Jesus Christ this Holiday Season." It was signed, "A Friend in Christ! Merry Christmas."

I nearly cried sitting there. Who could have been so generous? I remained teary while waiting to submit my paperwork for the name change, and pondered what I should do with the money. I decided that, since we have all of our basics paid for, and enough food and some gas in our car, I should see if I could get our Internet turned back on. I figured the charge would be more than I had, but I hoped the company would take most of the bill and let us pay the rest on the next bill.

Of course, the two ladies in the receptionist/"customer service"/billing department told me they could've accepted a partial payment before we were shut off, but would need the full $70 to get us turned back on. I nearly left, but decided to check my purse anyway, knowing that I had the $50, plus $10 from a merchandise return and plenty of change.

When I pulled out the wad of money from the card, I was surprised to find a $50 bill hidden under the other money. I literally hopped and let out a short, "woohoo!" when I discovered it. I paid up the Internet bill and left for Wal-mart. I used the rest of the money to give us more in our gas tank and buy enough groceries to get us to my guy's next payday on the 21st.

I still don't know who sent us the money, but I do believe in miracles and in the kindness of others. Thanks,  God.