ER visits are de regeur for the pill-popping lifestyle, as it is hard to get steady doctors to continue to prescribe the things in the quantities necessary to keep up his habit. Nowadays, he will mostly go on his own, but he will drag my daughter and I along when he can. These visits embarass me, because it makes me feel like I am profiled right along with him as a drug seeker. He usually wants us to go into the room with him, even if I hate that.
Nowadays, most of the docs who prescribe the pills know him as well, and no longer give him a hard time. In the early days, they were constantly berating him. They would give him the "drugs are bad" spiel and the "you may be addicted" cajoling, to which he would reply with the fact that he used to be on harder drugs, he's had migraines since he was 13, and he can't seem to get any regular doc to listen to him. Now they just say "i've seen you before" "what do you usually get" and "do you need a script until you see your regular doc?" Apparently, the berating at the beginning is just to weed out drug seekers, and if he gets past that, he must really need them.
I can't say that he doesn't need them. There was a time when he was off meds that he did get migraines periodically. I just know that he uses excessive amounts of the meds, and he uses them when he's not really hurting, but when he thinks he may be hurting at some point in the future.
The overdose from last week did start him thinking about his drug use. He said he's been more conscious of how many he takes. He still blew through his last script in around a week.
While we were in the ER room last night, he wondered out loud if he took too many pills because he thinks he's supposed to have the same sensation as if he's getting a shot of dilaudid or other opiate painkiller, instead of just the pain-free feeling. He suggested discussing that with a regular doctor when he can use his insurance to get an appointment. I told him I thought it would be a good idea.
He also needs to think about giving the meds time to work. Another reason the meds don't work i n the prescribed amount is he's used to biting them, so they'll release into his system sooner. The problem with that is they rush through his system, then leave just as quickly, requiring even more of the meds. He's just so scared of feeling a little pain that these ideas of managing his own pain better don't get past the thought stage. He would rather do what he's doing, even if it's hard on his system, rather than suffer through a bit of pain to find a better balance and a lack of addiction.
He also tends to use less medicine when he's busy. If he has something to keep his mind off the meds, he can go longer without using them. We have things he could do around here, but nothing is enjoyable enough (or economical enough) for him to do regularly as a replacement for the bulk of the meds. I can't think of anything for him to do short of knitting himself a sweater that could be mind-consuming enough for him.
I understand the fear, but I also know he has gotten past it and gone drug-free before, and he can do it again. It just takes some attitude adjustment.
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